Have you been “hit on” for Christmas?

     

The morning felt scattered. I was running late and I drove into the church parking lot sliding through the six inches of snow that had fallen over night.  Nothing was plowed yet.  I grumbled.  Grabbing my random things, I slid from my seat to the snowy carpet and slammed the door behind me.  I was rummaging for the keys to the church door when I saw him walking toward me. 

He was a dark figure, tall and thin wearing a black long coat that was ripped under the arm and had no buttons.  He wore a tattered watch cap and canvas sneakers.  He had no gloves and no teeth.  I knew him from a previous encounter.

I thought to myself, “Oh no.  Not now.  I don’t have any small bills to give him.”  I knew it was what he wanted.  I tried to pretend he wasn’t there and walked determinedly toward the steps to the side door.  I heard him call to me in a raspy voice… “Hey… Hey…  lady… wait…”  Was that God calling me?  Not now.

I turned to him and we recognized each other.  I had given him some money earlier in the fall when the weather was warm and I had a few dollars in my side pocket.  It wasn’t a hassle.  Now it’s a hassle.  So I told him I didn’t have any money.  That was a lie.  I had a $20 bill in my wallet, which reminds me of an episode back when my kids were little and I did give away a twenty dollar bill.  That’s another story for another time and it’s now over forty years later. 

I started to walk away from him and darn if my heart didn’t pump out a little bit more love.  And that conscience sitting on the tip of my shoulder said to me… “But it’s Christmas!”  So I stopped and looked at him.  He had a scruffy grey and black beard, and blurry dark eyes that squinted from the wind-driven snow.  He didn’t smile at me and his mouth was now shut so I couldn’t see his missing teeth anymore.  I wondered who he might have been years ago.  He actually reminded me of one of the kings in my Christmas manger set.

“I’ve got some loose change in my car and I’ll give it to you.”  He stood behind me as I unlocked the door and reached over and grabbed for the handful of change.  “Here.” I put the fistful of coins into the palm of his hand and our skin touched.  He was cold and his hands were dry and chapped.  “I don’t know how much this is but you should get a cup of coffee out of it.”  He thanked me walked away with his coat flapping in the wind.

I thought about him off and on that day and reminded God about the time I had given the twenty dollars away all those years ago.  So it’s okay that today I didn't give it away.  Then later that day I stopped at a drive-through for coffee and reached into the car cup for change.  It was gone and I had to use the twenty dollar bill.  I mentioned to the attendant that I had just given all my change away to a homeless guy.  She handed me my coffee and about $18 and said… “Well only God knows what he’ll do with it.”

She was right.

Tonglen; A Meditation Prayer for the Heart of Our Life

   

In my Christian understanding of prayer, I petition my Holy One to care for my family and friends that are in need of inner guidance or health or for the needs of a suffering world.  I petition for myself, perhaps sitting in quiet prayer with the Sacred, my Beloved, to channel wisdom, strength, and understanding of a trying situation.

In my study of Buddhism I learned about another kind of prayer, if you will, called Tonglen.  It is a process of "taking on, and giving out."  It is also called the meditation of "Sending and Taking."

Tonglen is a meditation done in conjunction with our breathing, and in relation to our family, friends and even those with whom we are in conflict, perhaps those we might call our enemies… to all beings, we gather them to our self... into our heart.  

As we breathe out, we imagine that with the exhalation goes all our happiness and all the causes of our happiness, all the good karma that we have, we send out in the form of white light or white smoke.  We send this out to all beings to touch them, so that they might obtain happiness, peace, well being and loving kindness. 

As we breath in, we imagine that all the suffering, the causes of suffering and the bad karma that others are experiencing, are drawn into our hearts in the form of darkness or black smoke. This darkness enters and merges into us, so we imagine the taking on of suffering of other beings.

In the beginning there can be fear and trepidation of doing this form of prayer.  Why should I take on more suffering and pain than I already have?  We begin to "feel" what it is like for other beings to be burdened, to be hungry, sick, or alone.  It is a way of "feeling" the suffering of others, and then "releasing" it.  Of bringing this suffering into our hearts, healing it, and then letting it go.

Remain always mindful of the taking and sending of this process. 

I thought about this meditation and way of prayer after a conversation I had this week with my son, and also with knowing the burdens all my children are carrying these days.  As a parent, I want to lessen my children's suffering and I want to send them joy and peace.  I want this for all children, for all my friends and family.  But to take on their burdens seems an overwhelming task and perhaps even more than I can or want to handle.

In my spiritual direction resources I recently read about a mentor that suggests Tonglen practice as a way of working with the spiritual needs of his clients.  He suggests that we tell the person whom we want to hold in our heart, we will carry half of their burden for them for a short while as a respite for them.  He suggests we ask them to imagine what it would feel like and what it would be for them to have someone carry half their burden.  We can't actually change the burden, but lessen the weight.  Only life will change the burden, only coming events, choices, actions will change what we have to carry and what we can give away.

This is not a practice for all people.  We must individually know ourselves and our limitations.  But if you can imagine taking on even a small portion of a loved one's burden (or any burden) through this process of prayer and meditation, it will begin to expand your heart energy.

Pema Chodron says we can do Tonglen at anytime and for any person in any situation.  She says,  "So on the spot you can do Tonglen for all the people who are just like you, for everyone who wishes to be compassionate but instead is afraid, for everyone who wishes to be brave but instead is a timid. Rather than beating yourself up, use your own stuck-ness as a stepping stone to understanding what people are up against all over the world. Breathe in for all of us and breathe out for all of us. Use what seems like poison as a medicine. Use your personal suffering as the path to compassion for all beings." 

By doing Tonglen Meditation on a regular basis, we will let go of negativity, open the heart center, and develop clear thinking that leads to wise choices.  Tonglen Meditation helps us to deal effectively with difficult people and stressful situations. If more of us replace negativity with compassion and wisdom, we will heal ourselves, each other, and the world. These last words are from a website I would recommend you to use to help you do Tonglen:     http://www.tc.umn.edu/~camer008/meditation.tonglen.html

I am taking in my children's pain and suffering and sending them light, joy, peace, and the knowledge that "nothing is forever…" except my love.

Some of this information was taken online from the Oral Instructions on the Karma Pakshi Practicegiven by Thrangu Rinpoche‚ to the retreatants of Samye-Ling, December 1993.