Self Compassion

I recently went to visit a friend in the hospital who was diagnosed with a heart ailment.  She wore a monitor around her neck and as we talked I saw the heart rate move up into the 80’s and when she was quiet it lowered into the 70’s.  I don’t know if all hearts beat like this.  Not many of us wear monitors throughout the day but I bet if we did our heart rate would rise with our stress and lower in our silence.

I asked her if she had a mantra to recite when she was feeling worried or frightened.  It often helps our bodies to relax when we reassure ourselves that it will be okay, that at this moment we can move into a personal way of healing.  This kind of healing doesn’t always mean complete restoration, but momentary peace and quiet.  This in itself is healing for it is where the comfort of God lies, or whatever Higher Power in which you put your faith.

I found a meditation called “Be Kind to Yourself” in the November 2015 issue of Shambhala Sun, written by Kristin Neff, associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She also does research in the field of self-compassion and has written a book about her work.  The meditation is a three-step contemplation that offers a way to bring compassion within yourself through affirmation.  Here is the process:

1. Put your hand(s) on your heart, pause, and feel the warmth.

2. Breathe deeply for a few seconds then relax your breathing.

3. Speak these words out loud or silently to yourself in a warm and caring way:

               This is a moment of suffering

               Suffering is a part of life.

               May I be kind to myself in this moment.

               May I give myself the compassion I need.

When doing meditation or mantras it is important to know that you can change any of the words to fit your personal needs.  So depending on how you feel, you might change the first sentence to say, “This is a moment of pain, or a moment of sadness, a moment of grief or a moment of anger.”  You are recognizing that there is a feeling that is very much centered in your body and you are holding it, being at one with it. (You may place your hand(s) on any part of you that feels pain or discomfort.)

  

The second sentence addresses the fact that the emotion or feeling you are having is legitimate and is “a part of life.”  You are not the only one who experiences these feelings, emotions, pains. Neff says that this “is a part of the shared human experience.”

The last two sentences enable you to be kind to yourself, to take care of that part of you that hurts, to give yourself the love and attention you need when others are perhaps being unkind or unforgiving, or if in the case of hospitalization, others are busy doing “to you”—what you need is a personal hug and reassurance.  Certainly many turn to God or a Higher Power during these times, and if we think about the Oneness of all things, then perhaps our taking care of ourselves in this way is God within.

I once shared a similar mantra with a directee and asked how it worked for her and she said it was too long to remember.  I understand this as I often want something short and quick that I can use in the moment of driving, or being confronted with an adversarial situation; something simple enough to repeat over a few times until my heart rate and tension stabilizes.  So I offer this:

I give myself the compassion I need in this moment – all is well