The Journey of Epiphany

Some of our journeys are planned and others just creep up on us.  Sometimes we don’t recognize that we are on a journey.  In some cases we are traveling with others of our choosing on a planned journey.  Then again, sometimes we are just walking the path along side of someone we don’t remember.

In my last blog I mentioned a homeless man that reminded me of one of the kings in my Christmas crèche.  He was tall and dark skinned and his long ragged coat blew about in the cold wintery wind as I watched him disappear from my view.  The snow could have been sand on a desert.  Then a day or two later another tall long-coated man approached me at a gas station who wanted to pump my gas for a dollar.  I said thanks but no thanks and just gave him a dollar. Was this another king on a journey?

So it stands to reason there must be a third king coming my way as I walk the journey of Epiphany. And sure enough, I received a call in the office from someone I didn’t remember.  This king was a Mexican immigrant who had contacted me earlier in the year after he left a detention camp where he waited for immigration papers.  He was a diabetic and needed medication.  I sent him to a neighborhood health center and they took care of him.  Now, months later, he was calling me into his journey again. 

The first thing I remember when I answered the phone was this king remembered me.  He told me that since our last call he received his green card and was on Medicaid.  He was working part time as a handyman.  But he had another healthcare emergency.  When he was in the detention camp they gave him shoes that did not fit properly.  As a diabetic he developed neuropathy.  He needed special shoes and his insurance would not pay for them.  It was so painful to stand that it jeopardized his ability to work for any length of time.  He said the shoes would cost over $400 and he needed a down payment of $200 to just order them.  He asked me to help him.

I got the name of his doctor, and told him I would call him back.  The scenario was all legitimate but I had no idea where to go for the money to pay for the shoes.  I was sitting at my desk talking to God about this when the church priest walked by my office.  I called to him and told him the story.  In about an hour I received $200 from his discretionary fund.  I called the podiatrist and said I was going to help pay for the shoes.  I still have to find the balance needed, but I am very hopeful.

So was this the third king encounter… this Mexican who has been on a journey far longer than I can imagine, and probably far more intense than any journey I may have traveled in my lifetime?  And why are these kings coming to me for help?  Weren’t the original three kings wealthy dignitaries who left the safety of their homes and traveled miles following a star just to find yet another king and lay their gifts at his feet?

Sometimes my imagination runs wild.  Still, the journey of Epiphany as I encountered it this year was intriguing.  We are all walking these journeys with one another.  It’s just that we don’t stop to think and ponder about where we are or who we are standing with at any one time until it becomes really an obnoxious or weird kind of scenario.  What’s your journey going to be like today?  Who will you encounter?  Will you trust yourself in the next step?

(The Three Wise Men -- Henry Ossawa Tanner, 1925) 

Have you been “hit on” for Christmas?

     

The morning felt scattered. I was running late and I drove into the church parking lot sliding through the six inches of snow that had fallen over night.  Nothing was plowed yet.  I grumbled.  Grabbing my random things, I slid from my seat to the snowy carpet and slammed the door behind me.  I was rummaging for the keys to the church door when I saw him walking toward me. 

He was a dark figure, tall and thin wearing a black long coat that was ripped under the arm and had no buttons.  He wore a tattered watch cap and canvas sneakers.  He had no gloves and no teeth.  I knew him from a previous encounter.

I thought to myself, “Oh no.  Not now.  I don’t have any small bills to give him.”  I knew it was what he wanted.  I tried to pretend he wasn’t there and walked determinedly toward the steps to the side door.  I heard him call to me in a raspy voice… “Hey… Hey…  lady… wait…”  Was that God calling me?  Not now.

I turned to him and we recognized each other.  I had given him some money earlier in the fall when the weather was warm and I had a few dollars in my side pocket.  It wasn’t a hassle.  Now it’s a hassle.  So I told him I didn’t have any money.  That was a lie.  I had a $20 bill in my wallet, which reminds me of an episode back when my kids were little and I did give away a twenty dollar bill.  That’s another story for another time and it’s now over forty years later. 

I started to walk away from him and darn if my heart didn’t pump out a little bit more love.  And that conscience sitting on the tip of my shoulder said to me… “But it’s Christmas!”  So I stopped and looked at him.  He had a scruffy grey and black beard, and blurry dark eyes that squinted from the wind-driven snow.  He didn’t smile at me and his mouth was now shut so I couldn’t see his missing teeth anymore.  I wondered who he might have been years ago.  He actually reminded me of one of the kings in my Christmas manger set.

“I’ve got some loose change in my car and I’ll give it to you.”  He stood behind me as I unlocked the door and reached over and grabbed for the handful of change.  “Here.” I put the fistful of coins into the palm of his hand and our skin touched.  He was cold and his hands were dry and chapped.  “I don’t know how much this is but you should get a cup of coffee out of it.”  He thanked me walked away with his coat flapping in the wind.

I thought about him off and on that day and reminded God about the time I had given the twenty dollars away all those years ago.  So it’s okay that today I didn't give it away.  Then later that day I stopped at a drive-through for coffee and reached into the car cup for change.  It was gone and I had to use the twenty dollar bill.  I mentioned to the attendant that I had just given all my change away to a homeless guy.  She handed me my coffee and about $18 and said… “Well only God knows what he’ll do with it.”

She was right.

Tonglen; A Meditation Prayer for the Heart of Our Life

   

In my Christian understanding of prayer, I petition my Holy One to care for my family and friends that are in need of inner guidance or health or for the needs of a suffering world.  I petition for myself, perhaps sitting in quiet prayer with the Sacred, my Beloved, to channel wisdom, strength, and understanding of a trying situation.

In my study of Buddhism I learned about another kind of prayer, if you will, called Tonglen.  It is a process of "taking on, and giving out."  It is also called the meditation of "Sending and Taking."

Tonglen is a meditation done in conjunction with our breathing, and in relation to our family, friends and even those with whom we are in conflict, perhaps those we might call our enemies… to all beings, we gather them to our self... into our heart.  

As we breathe out, we imagine that with the exhalation goes all our happiness and all the causes of our happiness, all the good karma that we have, we send out in the form of white light or white smoke.  We send this out to all beings to touch them, so that they might obtain happiness, peace, well being and loving kindness. 

As we breath in, we imagine that all the suffering, the causes of suffering and the bad karma that others are experiencing, are drawn into our hearts in the form of darkness or black smoke. This darkness enters and merges into us, so we imagine the taking on of suffering of other beings.

In the beginning there can be fear and trepidation of doing this form of prayer.  Why should I take on more suffering and pain than I already have?  We begin to "feel" what it is like for other beings to be burdened, to be hungry, sick, or alone.  It is a way of "feeling" the suffering of others, and then "releasing" it.  Of bringing this suffering into our hearts, healing it, and then letting it go.

Remain always mindful of the taking and sending of this process. 

I thought about this meditation and way of prayer after a conversation I had this week with my son, and also with knowing the burdens all my children are carrying these days.  As a parent, I want to lessen my children's suffering and I want to send them joy and peace.  I want this for all children, for all my friends and family.  But to take on their burdens seems an overwhelming task and perhaps even more than I can or want to handle.

In my spiritual direction resources I recently read about a mentor that suggests Tonglen practice as a way of working with the spiritual needs of his clients.  He suggests that we tell the person whom we want to hold in our heart, we will carry half of their burden for them for a short while as a respite for them.  He suggests we ask them to imagine what it would feel like and what it would be for them to have someone carry half their burden.  We can't actually change the burden, but lessen the weight.  Only life will change the burden, only coming events, choices, actions will change what we have to carry and what we can give away.

This is not a practice for all people.  We must individually know ourselves and our limitations.  But if you can imagine taking on even a small portion of a loved one's burden (or any burden) through this process of prayer and meditation, it will begin to expand your heart energy.

Pema Chodron says we can do Tonglen at anytime and for any person in any situation.  She says,  "So on the spot you can do Tonglen for all the people who are just like you, for everyone who wishes to be compassionate but instead is afraid, for everyone who wishes to be brave but instead is a timid. Rather than beating yourself up, use your own stuck-ness as a stepping stone to understanding what people are up against all over the world. Breathe in for all of us and breathe out for all of us. Use what seems like poison as a medicine. Use your personal suffering as the path to compassion for all beings." 

By doing Tonglen Meditation on a regular basis, we will let go of negativity, open the heart center, and develop clear thinking that leads to wise choices.  Tonglen Meditation helps us to deal effectively with difficult people and stressful situations. If more of us replace negativity with compassion and wisdom, we will heal ourselves, each other, and the world. These last words are from a website I would recommend you to use to help you do Tonglen:     http://www.tc.umn.edu/~camer008/meditation.tonglen.html

I am taking in my children's pain and suffering and sending them light, joy, peace, and the knowledge that "nothing is forever…" except my love.

Some of this information was taken online from the Oral Instructions on the Karma Pakshi Practicegiven by Thrangu Rinpoche‚ to the retreatants of Samye-Ling, December 1993.

Can You See Me?

I had the privilege to speak at a friend’s installation this month in Morganville, NY.  It was in a little white church in a perfect little town with a horse farm across the road.  Many people came to celebrate the occasion. 

When it was my turn, I made my way up to the pulpit and as always, I stood a little on tip-toe because I am short in height, just about 5 feet, and I looked out at the congregation and smiled and said,  “Can everyone see me?”  There were smiles back at me and a gentle chuckle from the group.  I continued to share how I knew this pastor and I read a poem from Billy Collins, one of my favorite poets.

Afterwards I sat back down and was very relieved that all went well.  You see, I have some performance anxiety and although I have always been in a public eye, so to speak, I have always preferred to stand back from an audience.  People might think just the opposite of me as they see me in various public arenas, on the pulpit,  the opinion page, and especially now in social media, where I love to share my life experiences and “chat” with friends and family. 

But can “you see me?”  I thought about this comment that got the chuckle and began to hear a deeper question seeking a deeper meaning.  “Can you really see me?”  Do you know who I am?  Do any of us know our sacred stories?  There seems to be fear about sharing what’s at our core self, and yet I think sometimes that is what is most important in “seeing” one another.  It’s when I tell my story that you can begin to really see me. And when you tell your story, I begin to really see you.  I think sometimes that if more of us had this opportunity there wouldn't be so much anxiety, animosity, or misunderstandings.  And perhaps there would not be so many lonely people in the world.

I think about some of the words from the Billy Collins’ poem I read:

This is the best kind of love, I thought,

Without recompense, without gifts,

Or unkind words, without suspicion,

Or silence… 

(Aimless Love, in the book, Nine Horses)

The Tormented Turtle

 

The Tormented Turtle   

For most of my life, my chosen totem has been turtle.  It showed up early in my life and its spirit and presence has traveled with me over the years.  I have turtle symbols all over the house, and as much as other animal spirits have come into my dreams and reality, it is the turtle that has had a constant presence.  Such is the reason for this blog that I share with you today.

On a quiet Sunday afternoon recently, my wife and I sat in the car by the side of a pond in Seneca Park.  She read aloud from a book we are sharing while I watched people walking, feeding the ducks, and sitting quietly fishing. 

As she read I noticed a man at the edge of the pond holding onto a struggling creature that I thought at first was a fish he had caught.  Then I realized he was holding a large turtle by the tail and the turtle was trying to escape his hold.   The more the turtle struggled, the more agitated I became.  I wanted to run over and tell him to let the turtle go.  I watched as a second man brought a plastic bucket with a lid and the turtle was thrown into it.  I was angry but didn't make a move. 

I began to wonder what would happen to the turtle.  Did it know its fate?  Would the man take it home to eat or give it to his children as a pet?  Either way it was a dismal scenario.  I thought about offering them money for the turtle, but what if they wanted more?  If I walked over to the men, my companion, who is an animal activist, would rear up and challenge them to let the turtle go.  I suppose that would not be a bad idea if it weren't for the thought we could be maimed or shot.  People have been killed recently for lesser or no reason, which ironically may be the same for the turtle.

I am feeling guilty for not trying to rescue the turtle.  I spoke to my wise son about this experience and his warm, generous ways suggested that maybe the man had hooked the turtle with his fishing pole and it would have died anyway.  I’m thinking that’s just a kind excuse.  We talked about how many people see aquatic animals as food.  Animals are always being taken by humans for food or the sport of game.  There are tons of “what ifs,” and “maybes.”  Still, I did not act upon my heart’s pain.  I turned away and did nothing.  Now I lament.

Some of the symbolism of the turtle totem is staying grounded, even in moments of disturbances and chaos, emotional strength and understanding, and an affinity to the ancient wisdom of the earth.   The wisdom of the turtle totem teaches us about determination and staying strong despite obstacles or distractions. This animal encourages those who have it as totem to listen deeply to their guidance and trust their path no matter what.

Even as I neglected to act on her behalf, turtle has given me her wisdom to go forth responsibly and to do the right thing the next time I have the opportunity.  She has never let me down.  Thank you to beautiful turtle.

 

Some information in this blog was taken from: http://www.spiritanimal.info/turtle-spirit-animal/

Being in August

This is what I acknowledge:

Looking down,
all manner of things are moving;
the grass moves in the wind,
the tiny ants scurry up, down and around;
the clover moves beneath my fingers and toes.

Looking up,
the clouds move,
the leaves rustle in the trees,
the birds move on the branches,
my eyes move with it all.

Looking in front,
the water in the sprinkler moves,
the flies move about the lavender,
the bees move at the top of the oregano,
my eyelids move in the sunlight.

Looking behind,
I cannot see anything.

Karma, Trayvon, George, and We

I am currently studying various religions for my graduate program at the American Institute of Holistic Theology. In this term I am reading about Buddhism. In Damien Keown’s book, “Buddhism: A Very Short Introduction,” he writes that the “doctrine of karma holds that the circumstances of future rebirths are determined by the moral deeds a person performs in this life.”  (pg.29)

Karma originated in ancient India and was incorporated into many Asian cultures.  Here in the West, the practical understanding of karma is that “what goes around comes around.”

Keown goes on to write:  Not all the consequences of what a person does are experienced in the lifetime in which the deeds are done.  Karma that has been accumulated but not yet experienced is carried forward to the next life, or even many lifetimes ahead.   Certain aspects of a person’s next rebirth are thought of as “karmically” determined.  These include the family into which one is born, one’s social status, physical appearance and of course, one’s character and personality.  What then makes actions good or bad?  From the Buddha’s teaching, it is largely a matter of intention and choice.  (pg 39)

Flash ahead to February 26, 2012, Sanford, Florida; 17 year old Trayvon Martin is visiting family and friends in a Gated Community in the Florida town.  He leaves a convenient market around 7 p.m.   It is raining.  George Zimmerman, 29 years old, lives in the gated community and is part of a neighborhood watch program. He is walking in the rain and believes that Trayvon is a suspicious looking person.  He begins to follow him.  A series of events will lead to the shooting of this 17 year old man and his death.  It will also lead to a life-changing experience for the 29 year old man.  It will lead to a national uproar over the Florida law of “Stand Your Ground” that gives way to defending one’s life up to the point of extermination of the “other” should the one who feels threatened make that assumption (choice).

So here it is; intention and choice.  No one other that those two people were at the scene of the shooting.  No one really knows what happened.  A life was taken and a life was changed.  Whether the change will be a positive or negative aspect to George's life, we will never know.  We will never know how karma will affect Trayon's lives or those of his family and friends.  We will never know if those of us who have experienced this life occurrence will be changed.  How will it affect our karma?  And even if we do not believe in karma, how will we chose to live our lives having seen and witnessed or heard or read about this event?  It happens every day in our world in so many different ways.  The violence is consuming us.

In our Christian tradition we pray, “thy kingdom come.”  And yet, I think not.